top of page
froymovichg

THE ASSLESS CHAPEL NEWSLETTER #57:Decompression Edition

The Chaplain’s Screed


I remember the first time I made love.  A couple weeks prior, aged 17, I was about two weeks into my freshman year of college, walking back from class, wearing nothing but a small rectangle of crushed, green velvet wrapped around me like a skirt.  This beautiful woman – 5’10” of lithe, slender, pink-tinted alabaster; perfect, petite breasts; flawless skin, with a striking radiance, cheeks like cherry juice would squirt out of them if they were pinched; and a surprisingly prominent, round, noticeable tush – walked by me with her golden dreadlocks done up in buns. 


As she passed me she graced me with a smile that would have been better put to work creating Middle East peace and then, like the blessing of an angel, some words tumbled out of her mouth – to me! – that sounded like a fairy child tinkling into a pond of liquified unicorn pollen: “You must be the one they call Naked Boy!”  I answered, in what may have been, at that point, the most inspired words spoken in my awkward life: “I am.  You’ve got nice buns!  I hope I get to squeeze them!”  As I said that, I made a motion of squeezing (hair) buns.  She let out a mellifluous giggle that would have converted Dick Cheney into a hippie. 


Two weeks later, I spent three hours of life-changing beauty making love to this goddess as she whispered in my ear “I just want you to explode inside of me.”  Yeah right!  I was young enough that I was too riled up to climax, but on track to set a record for uninterrupted tumescence that would have exceeded every boner I ever had before strung back-to-back.  And that also meant I got to worship at the altar of a yoni that still stands out as one of the most perfect I’ve ever tasted.  We spent the rest of the night speaking sweet nothings to each other under a full moon until the sun rose.


The next day I was giddy and glowing; looking forward to the next time; thinking through every moment of the previous night; and regretting how many years it took me to discover the miracle of physical love.  That is how I feel now and how I’ve felt nearly every year after Burning Man.  With Heather, though, I got to make love the next night.  With Burning Man, I need to wait over 300 days until I get to head back to Black Rock City.  So, let’s get to the question I’ve asked myself almost as often as I’ve heard others ask it.  How do I keep the Burn alive in my heart?



First off, keep being a Burner.  The Ten Principles aren’t just for the Playa.  Did you like who you were in Black Rock City?  Keep being that way.  No, you shouldn’t show up at work wearing nothing but a thong, but there is plenty you can take to how you live your life.  And you should.


Stay in touch with your people.  We are a family of choice; we are a community; we are better because of each other.  Stay in touch, my loves.  It will only do you good.


Sign up for the Jack Rabbit Speaks newsletter, if you haven’t already.  You can do that here.  You’ll also get leads on lots of other stuff to do: surveys, Zoom presentations, etc.


See Burning Man art off-Playa.  For those of us in California and Nevada this is easy.  I know there’s a live map out there of Burning Man art placed around the world.  If you can find it, please send me the link!  Remember how when you’re out on the Playa, you just pass up art that would stop you in your tracks off-Playa?  Yeah, now is your time to take a date or your kids or your own sexy self to go see whatever Playa art you can find in your area.


Look at pictures!  I don’t take pictures and think people spend way too much time taking and fawning over pictures.  But now’s the time to share them.  First off, please send me your Burning Man pics to share with the camp!  Remember that we don’t share any of these pictures online, by email, text, WhatsApp, etc. without permission!  At some point, Burning Man will also put up an enormous, searchable gallery of the Burn on the web page.  The art pics will be here and you can look up older burns already.


Join a Burning Man Facebook group to meet people and find out about events.  You can also be more old school and join ePlaya.


Visit Northern Nevada.  Reno is full of Burning Man art.  Gerlach is a funky little town, with a bit of a year-round Burner vibe and some art.  The Playa is always gorgeous and you can check out hot springs and old mining camps.  You can visit BORG’s Fly Ranch and see the cool geyser and walk the labyrinth that Maid Marian built.  I’ve spent a lot of time in Northern NV and love it.  If you want to plan a trip together, let me know!


Go to a Renegade Burn / Zone Trip.  Every now and then someone reaches out to me about the next Renegade Burn or a Zone Trip, a la Cacophony Society.  I really don’t have time to add this into my life, but maybe you do?  And if you do, tell me about it!  I’ll be your camper and you’ll be the camp lead!  And, according to Jaque’s drunk math, they can be worth the square root of 101 burns.


Visit San Francisco.  The capital city of the Burning Man world is San Francisco.  There are often Burner or Burner-adjacent events and tons of fundraisers for camps.  The city has a lot of Burning Man art in it, too.  And the central library has a spectacular archive of Burning Man ephemera.


Go to Regional Events.  Many places have Regional Burns, Decompression Parties, Burnal Equinoxes and Burner Meetups.  I love them.  And I’d love to see some of you at SF Burnal Equinox this year, if you can make it.  You can find them on local Burning Man Facebook groups or right here.


Learn the History and Pre-History of Burning Man.  Start here and here and here.  While you’re at it, here’s a Burning Man glossary.  You can also read the many books about Burning Man (see below).  You can also read past issues of BRC Weekly.


Learn About Burning Man Org if you want to take a really deep dive.  You can read AfterBurn Reports (wherever those are) or check these out:


Get Into Burning Man’s Hippy-Dippy Self-Improvement Courses here and on The Hive.


Follow Burning Man’s media coverage (you can even see old stuff, if you need more Burning Man history.)


Listen to Burner Podcasts, including Burning Man Live (the official podcast), Accuracy Third, the Burner Podcast and you can also find a few interesting interviews of Burners on Life Is a Festival.  For bite size bits, there’s Blueprints.



Build a Year-Round Burning Man Project.  Join the Temple build crew, help out with an art project or mutant vehicle or find a way to contribute to your theme camp.  You can find collaborators on Facebook, ePlaya, Spark and Hive.


Give to Burner causes.  You can give directly to Burning Man, the Burner Network that supports theme camps, to an art project or to Burners Without Borders.


Share Your Experience with Others.  Send me your burner-y activities to share with the group.  Send Burning Man your story.  Send your campmates a gift that reminds them of an experience you shared.


Watch some of the Burning Man movies out there.  Or check out the Burning Man YouTube channel.


Live like a Burner.  That doesn’t mean you show up to work in a thong and chaps with a morning cocktail (that doesn’t make you a Burner, it just makes you fired and maybe arrested.)  Take the Ten Principles and apply them to your daily life.  Maybe make one of them a New Year’s resolution.  Maybe your theme camp operator sends a newsletter full of ideas on how to live like a Burner – you could try reading it!


Volunteer for stuff.  If you’d like, you can volunteer for Burners Without Borders.  Or directly with Burning Man.  Or, you could even get a job with Burning Man.


Or maybe just make cool shit happen in your “default world.” 


Group News


Curtis, Red, Stupid and I had a nice call and talked through our experiences and what we think

we can do to improve the camp for everyone.  I also spoke with John (Cassidy’s uncle) from Kelly’s.  He plans to return next year.  I’ve been in touch with Burning My Crepe and, well, they’re on board with us forever – also got to see a lovely video from the double wedding.  Jaque is committed to returning with us.  Becky is feeling better and says she still had a great burn, despite having to leave early due to sickness.  Red, Stupid and I had an amazing Temple Burn night with Mo.  Oh, and Stupid got to Zoom meet Yosi’s wife; it went either great or horrible, subject to significant interpretation and there were, unfortunately, a couple incidents that involved pee.

 

Also, Jaque told me she got back her 23andMe and it turns out that she’s 22% German, 24% Portuguese, 3% Angolan, 2% Italian, 1% General West African and 48% Sexy Gelfling!  Which one of you guessed that, was it you, Stupid?  Also, Jaque, if you haven’t yet watched Dark Crystal you fucking have to!

 

Yosi and I also saw each other in Israel last week.  His kids are the cutest!  Cassidy, apparently, released an album this summer and it’s beautiful and Jaque needs to help me peer-pressure her to do a set at Burning Man 2025.  Check it out on YouTube.  Oh, and just before I flew to Israel, I went to SF decompression.  I had a great time, made lots of new friends, saw Tabitha from Hair of the Dog and chatted with my Burning Man celebrity obsession, Adriana Roberts of Piss Clear and BRC Weekly.  Also, I had multiple people come up and be like “It’s the Assless Chaplain!”  One cutie even asked to take selfies to send to her friends.  We’re low-key Burning Man famous y’all.

 

I’ll be reaching out to all of you in a week or so to see how you’re doing.


Camp Planning


Wedding Planning


Had some hiccups with the paperwork this year.  Figuring it out.  The couple is being gracious about that.


Other Camp Planning


Still cleaning stuff off and reorganizing it.  Busy year this year.  Sent in our Post-Playa Report and couldn’t find a night-time shot of our frontage.  For next year, we need:

·         Daytime frontage picture;

·         Nighttime frontage picture;

·         Picture of our “main space;”

·         One other picture of our choice.


Red Folder Stuff


I’ll spare you Red Folder stuff for now.


Black Rock City News and Acculturation



Current Pre-Build, Build Week, Burn Week and Exodus Schedule


Nothing to see here, folks.


Upcoming Tasks


Keep on burning, my loves!


Closing Thoughts


After each Burn, after enduring and creating uninterrupted weirdness and frequent wildness, we re-enter a world that confronts us with a suddenly foreign defaultness.  It is in these days and weeks that my thoughts are clearest and, contrary to the conventional wisdom admonitions of the fearful folks, I make my best decisions.  There is a nervousness about re-entry and about taking on the challenges of the upcoming year.  Having lived a lifetime in a week and half, I begin waiting for the urge.  That urge to return, to live yet another once-in-a-lifetime (but annual) peak. 


Old hippies will tell you that San Francisco in the 60s was imbued with a really special zeitgeist to imbibe.  I’m sure it was.  But it was a coincidence of happenstance.  And everyone thought they were winning, succeeding.  Worse yet, the vibe was like a tide that rolled in and then, with the movement of the moon, rolled back out, leaving only tiny puddles in the sand where once there was an ocean.


We are blessed that we get to be part of something, co-create something truly unimaginable… every year.  Sometimes I wonder what it means – if anything – for the world, for our global society.  Maybe it means nothing on that scale, in the long run.  But I know what it means for me; and no explanation, no photo album, no article in the media can convey that thrill in your heart of having been there and knowing you’re going back… to this thing that happens for 1-2 weeks in a pinpoint on the map, in the middle of nowhere.  I can tell people all the stories I want, but it doesn’t convey what actually happened/happens there.


What is it that makes it happen the way it does?  It makes me think of how bees will all gather into a ball and buzz together in the cold and the friction makes it really hot for them.  It’s so many weirdos, winners, wieners and woozles in one place that makes the Burn burn.  I love you kids and love burning with you.


“There was madness in any direction, at any hour … You could strike sparks anywhere.”

-Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

 

The Man Burns in 308 days! 

5 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page