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The Assless Chapel Newsletter #10: Leave No Trace Edition

Updated: Feb 14, 2023

THE CHAPLAIN'S WEEKLY SCREED


I don’t have much to say about Leave No Trace. I think we all get it. But… I should do my job as Theme Camp Operator (in the parlance of BORG). OK, here are a few notes on leaving no trace:


· Please read up on Leave No Trace.


· The number one thing that will determine if we get placed again is whether we leave the Playa with evidence of our visit or not.


· Beyond all that, I can tell you that the most pissed I’ve ever been on the Playa was one year when I had campmates who did not live up to the LNT principle (the other 6 times this was not an issue, as I’m sure it won’t be this year).


· The LNT section of the Ten Principles reads:


Our community respects the environment. We are committed to leaving no physical trace of our activities wherever we gather. We clean up after ourselves and endeavor, whenever possible, to leave such places in a better state than when we found them.


What I like about this is the “leave such places in a better state than when we found them.” These are good instructions not just for the Playa or even for campsites or the environment, but for life. The Golden Rule is to treat others as you would like to be treated, but I like the LNT rule more: “Are you leaving this girlfriend / campsite / organization / planet / pet / etc. in better shape than you found it?” If not, it might be time to do some soul searching and figure out what you need to do to be a better person. Alright, that’s all I’ve got for the screed today.


SPECIAL SECTION: BIKES


Has everyone figured out how they’re getting bikes? Have you read the Survival Guide yet? If the answer to either of these questions is no, then read this and this and even this here. In addition, a few reminders about bikes:


· Wider tires are better; the simpler the bike, the better.


· You can probably get bikes from Reno Bike Project, Black Rock Bicycles or the Kiwanis Bike Program.


· Make sure you have a plan for lighting up your bike and make sure you have a headlamp or headlight. Get a horn or bell, too.


· Bikes sometimes disappear on the Playa. I think this is usually a case of mistaken identity. That’s why it’s good to decorate your bike. You should also label your bike. I’ll bring a marker and duct tape to the Playa to do that for anyone who hasn’t already done so. A bike lock works even better.


· Do not use a wet lube on any part of the bike.


· I will have basic repair gear and a back-up bike. But it would be a good thing if each person brought a spare inner tube and/or patch kit.


GROUP NEWS


No major group news this week. Just excited to see all of you at the Chapel!


BLACK ROCK CITY NEWS


No Black Rock City news this week, but if you haven’t read it yet, read BORG’s explanation of the theme.


PLACEMENT / TICKET NEWS


Still no word on my requested changes to Work Access Passes. OMG sale is coming up but, contrary to my original plans, it seems we have no need to try to get OMG tickets. One less thing to do.


I have found out who our neighbor camps are:


· Beardhaus is a place that’s into bearded guys. They like to help people take care of their beards. Could be nice synergy – a little grooming for our grooms.


Queer camp and LGBTQI+ safe space. Filthy drag show Monday night. The best cucumber cooler cocktails on playa. Daytime disco dance parties. Daily beard care and maintenance kits.


· Glow Job provides personal beauty services. Another camp with great synergy for primping our newlyweds.


Glow Job comes alive at night on playa. Psychedelic neon art, sculpture and personal beauty services. Visit our glowing blacklight art and beauty salon after sunset while you get ready for late night playa adventures. Blow your mind while you get your nails done. Get your face painted then melt it off. We are LGBTQ+.


· Dickstracted is well…


The Dickstracted Camp is an adult-gay oriented camp emphasized on bringing exhibitionism and voyeurism to the playa.


I’ve reached out to all these camps’ leads but haven’t heard back from them.


UPCOMING TASKS


[boring, unimportant stuff redacted]


CLOSING THOUGHTS


When I was a kid, my cousins and I used to play a game. We’d go into our grandfather’s workshop and find an old can. We’d make a potion in it. Some clover flowers, a rusty nail, sycamore seed pods, etc. We’d stir it up in water. Hold it in grandpa’s vise and do all sorts of weird stuff to it.


I feel like that’s what putting this camp together is like. We’re all coming from all over to camp together. Everyone has a different connection to this endeavor; is bringing different skills, equipment, attitudes and expectations; searching for different experiences. We’ll get smooshed together a bit; stirred up a bit; do some weird things. And it will be every bit as magical as those potions were to young children then. That must be one of the things I look forward to most on the Playa – those moments where I get to feel for just a tiny bit, a fraction of the lost magic of childhood. Just wish my wife could be there with me. Maybe 2023…


The Man burns in 38 days holy shit!


Gianna and I at Our Playa Wedding, 2010, when we were still thin:



Gianna and I Keeping it Real, Playa-Style at a School Fundraiser, she’s still thin:






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